婚姻的\"起跑线\":有些事可改变 有些事天注定

The Starting Line of Marriage

不知从什么时候开始，中国流行起了“起跑线”这一说法，“起跑线”，顾名思义，就是人在开始一段人生旅程时所站立的位置。这个位置可以由他的出生、教育程度、经济条件等因素决定。在大部分人的观念里，起跑线会成为能否尽快顺利达到终点的一个先决条件。婚姻也是人生的一段历程，而且是绝大部分人都会经历的，可能历时一辈子的一段历程。婚姻有没有起跑线？

本期，笔者想谈谈婚姻的起跑线，观点一分为二。首先，婚姻也存在着起跑线，虽然模糊，但是存在。然而，起跑线上的暂时“输赢”与婚姻质量、长短不存在必然的联系。换言之，婚姻是一个由很多因素决定的东西，外在内在，甚至还有运气的成分。所以，起跑线不能决定终点。

There comes a true story. There were two teenage girls in the same school. One had good appearance, wealthy family background and remarkable study records. She entered a good university after high school. The other, who was less attractive, with ordinary background and worse records, entered a TAFE (Technical And Further Education) and became a receptionist at a five-star hotel.

有些事情天注定

在婚姻的起跑线上，这两个女孩的高低一目了然。前者找到一个英俊多金、高学历高收入的配偶的可能性远远大于后者。笔者认为，这个世界上不存在绝对的公平，“机会平等已经是最大的公平了”，那种“Everyone has a fair go.”只是一种美好的愿望。一个人的出身、家庭、父母从事的职业等，往往会影响他/她日后的受教育程度、接触的人际圈子和性格塑造，而这些又会对此人的学习态度、人生观、事业发展和婚姻产生一定的关联。所以，每个人一出生，起跑线就已经定格，有些可以通过后天的努力改变，有些却已是命中注定。

With no exception, the first girl got a job in a big company, got to know someone who was well-educated, handsome and wealthy. They went on a marriage after a two-year’s love relationship. Everyone thought it was a marriage that made by the Heaven.

The other girl got to know a visiting Professor from USA by chance at work. People had no idea how they would finally get married with a large age gap and poorer communications in English, anyway, both of them seemed to be happy about each other.

有些事情你做主

看到这里，笔者想说，婚姻里，至少有一半的因素是运气。运气这玩意儿，我们只能控制局部。比如你想嫁个老外，就得多往英语角去跑，你想找个博士老公，就要多往实验室跑，这是给自己创造运气，然而，结果是不是能成，不是人可以控制的，有时候还会弄巧成拙。运气我们控制不了，不过运气偏爱愿意尝试和努力的人。我不是第一次，也绝不会是最后一次强调：一个人越是付出得多，越是努力尝试，他就会离他的目标越近！这条法则同样适用于婚姻。所以，莫要原地空等，一定要付出行动。

Let’s see the “later on” of them. Later on, the first girl gave birth to a baby girl. The marriage had been OK for a few years; however, with the growth of her husband’s wealth, the man started having some affairs with other women. Those affairs came to light one day and were followed by a divorce. Financially she had some compensation, and became a single mother. However, she had no confidence in re-gaining her happiness and had aged by then. Presently she is still alone and perhaps a bit lonely.

How about the other one? Later on, she went to the States, mothered two children. She went to university while looking after her children. Once the children reached their school age, she had already gained graduate certificate for accounting and went to work more professionally. She had a balanced life (not only in everyday life but also mentally). She now has a good career, family life and social circle. Life seems to have been kind to her. Can you accuse a woman who created her own opportunity and happiness? Can you arbitrarily make a judgment that she married with a utilitarian heart? Certainly no one can. Her success silenced those who laughed at her before.

来日方长，切莫放弃

这个戏剧性的结局的确是发生在阳光下的这片土地上了。当然了，仅凭千万个婚姻故事中的一个，并不能代表什么。但是至少可以说明两点：

1. 婚姻是人生中最长的一次长跑，既然是长跑，不是劈荆斩棘，至少也是翻山越岭。所以其结果，不会因为起跑线上的暂时差距就断然改变。越是长跑，起跑线就越显得不那么重要。如果你已经拥有一个良好的开始，那么继续珍惜和保持下去，如果你自身的起跑线不够高远，完全没必要放弃希望，因为你拥有高质量长久婚姻的几率基本上和别人是一样的。

2. 在海外待上些年头的华人，都会感叹国内的环境太过“缤纷”，尤其是被玛雅人染上神秘色彩的2012年刚刚跨入它的轨迹。绚丽耀眼的霓虹灯下是人们跳动的浮躁的心。然而，这世界上永恒不变的是，当你用爱去面对生活的时候，生活也会向你微笑。因此，要拥有好的婚姻其实很简单，只需要两条：做一个好人，找一个好人。我们不妨去思考这样的哲学问题：什么样的人是个好人? 你打算做一个怎么样的好人？你去哪里找一个好人？好人究竟好在哪里？

There are just two requirements to have a good marriage: be a good person and find a good person.

When you treat life with love and life will feed you back with smile.

The longer distance in a race, the less significant the starting point is.

Take action rather than sitting around.

The more effort you put in, the closer you get to your goal.

Fortune would show undue favor to those who work and try harder.（文/亦心）

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生词表

teenage a 青少年的

sitting n 坐,就座,开会

本文属于中考试题难度，适合初中学生阅读。

本文刊于《英语沙龙》，转载请注明出处。